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TorreyIsLDS

I'm So Heavy

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  I skip my medication, which is probably dumb, but I don't like having to depend on pills to control my emotions.

 

 

Torrey ~

 

it just dawned on me that i forgot to write about taking your pills n' maybe hearing it from someone who also takes pills will make more sense to you. though first, it's important for you to realize that having a mental illness no longer carries with it the stigma that it used to. there truly has been a phenomenol change in how 'people', in general, perceive people like us....besides, no one would ever know unless you started doing ballet in the middle of a buzy street during rush hour....

 

if you broke your leg, you'd wear a cast for however long that leg took to heal without batting an eye n' probly learn to move around on 'em lots faster than folks with two good legs. if you had a problem with how the nerves in your arms worked and were told that there was a operation where they could move that nerve so you wouldn't lose the use of your hands n' arms, i'll bet you'd have the surgery without batting an eye....

 

in your situation, n' with folks like me, there are certain chemicals that our body doesn't produce enough of or perhaps too much of another n' things tend to go haywire because your brain isn't able to sort out the mixed signals. that's the 'broken' part but instead of wearing a visable cast around your skull or some type of device on your head all the time, you take pills that will, with some experimenting overseen by your doc, balance those chemicals....

 

and that's all those pills do....is create a balance n' when that happens, we feel different, happy, or at least not terribly too unhappy as much as you used to. h' hopefully you will ber able to experience all sorts of emotions. the key is that those emotions start to happen when appropriate. as time goes on n' you learn more about yourself n' your illness, you'll find that that sense of awful sadness for no apparent dissolves away. you'll find that when you're sad, there's a reason for your sadness. that will happen with all your emotions n' slowly you begin to feel almost 'normal'....

 

in time, you will start to feel a sense of belonging and actually want to be around other people. they may be a select few at first but that's ok. when you begin to feel cared for n' loved by those select few, it'll dawn on you that trust them with your feelings. after more time goes by, you'll find yourself reaching out toward others n' feel perfectly ok with it. though don't get me wrong, there will always be days when you're in the dumps, just can't get your thoughts in order or can't even pick out what clothes you want you to wear because your favorite jeans are still in the laundry n' that throws you off center....

 

but you're not thrown because the pills aren't working anymore or for any other reason except that's what happens to everybody. pills or no pills. it isn't the pills that control your emotions. not even close. those pills are simply an invisable cast n' it's up to you to decide how to use the crutches. you're the only person who has control over you n' with the support of those who love you n' care about you....well, the decision sorta gets made by magic.

 

honest, it's like magic because you aren't suddenly hit by the fact that you're better, it just happens but not without some hard work on your part. all you need to remember in the process is that you can do anything for one hour, one hour at a time. then two hours at a time, then 4, n' then 5 hours....i'm sure you get the gist....

 

just keep moving ahead....

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I love the pit. :blush: Thanks Lindalou, Firecracker, CPUGuru, Salo, Jim2005, Invision, and Ianmtdel.

 

You guys have helped me a lot. You don't even know. And I don't even know you guys personally. Though I wish I did. :_)

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Torrey, i've "known" you for what seems like a few years, you have grown alot since you first came here!! it must have taken an enormous amount of courage to open up and post your personal problems! but now that you have, you need to know and remember that we (your pit friends) are now willing and able to help you get through any rough times you might run accross, in any way that we can.

let me know if you need to talk or something..

Adam

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Hey Sk8....glad to see you made it through a dark time :) Firecrackers most recent post is as good as anything you will hear from any pro, that really is great advice... Even though you may not feel it at certain times things are worth sticking around for.

 

As far as helping, you have 8000 + posts...do ya think you may have helped anybody???? Of course you have.

 

Hang in there and fight whats ailing you.... in time you can beat it. If you are feeling close to that bad place again make sure you post and get it off your chest .... as you can see your virtual friends do care!

Good luck bud.

 

Jim

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hey Torrey....well i hope you feel better and as FireKracker says your pills are very important to not just yourself but your body where you need to balance your brain waves to slow down your depressed feelings.

 

my GF takes anti-depressants daily and i know when she does not take them she will get very sensitive,emotional,basicly she is a wreak without them.

 

maybe what your taking isnt getting the part that triggers your emotions to go wild,i know it sucks you dont want to neither does alot of other people but if you tell your doctor its not working well after 2-3 weeks a change in meds may be in order.

 

my son has ADHD really really bad i dont think i can type really enough :lol: to put it a easy way if he didnt take his meds id throw myself out the window. :P

 

just hang in there trust me todays world most people are not worth the effort to get down about but it still happens and hopefully with a little work not only from yourself cause hey who the hell wants to feel down all the time.....not you,me,or anyone else except the freaks who love pain unless the pain is giving in a diffrent way but we wont go into that as Volt may have a heart attack if i do :lol:

 

remember Torrey your GF assuming from what i read and her family care a great deal and they are there for you,if you dont already open up completely to your GF about whats on your mind it will get things off your chest and keep her from wondering why you feel so down sometimes.

 

your GF is your best friend never keep her in the dark about you, you'll be surprized how they make you feel better sometimes

 

:shifty:

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Torrey,

 

I have often read and enjoyed your posts although without usually commenting on them directly. You always struck me as being a lad far more intelligent than your years and someone in posession of a fantastic sense of humour. These factors alone are enough to make you fall into the 'special person' category in my eyes and that is quite a compliment coming from such a miserable old git like me :P

 

Seems to me that your weight isn't the real issue here, but merely an excuse for you to beat up on yourself for other, hidden reasons. I hope you take onboard some of the great advice given by some of the wonderful, warm and considerate people here at the Pit and talk to someone. You have already demonstrated immense courage in expressing your innermost feelings in this open forum, that approaching someone 'one to one' should be a cakewalk in comparison.

 

WHatever you decide is best for you, I only hope that things work out for the better (as I'm sure they will) and would like to add my name to the already long list of would be friends willing to share some email or pm (telephone if you want) time if needed.

 

Chin up.

 

Andy

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Torrey,

 

I have often read and enjoyed your posts although without usually commenting on them directly. You always struck me as being a lad far more intelligent than your years and someone in posession of a fantastic sense of humour. These factors alone are enough to make you fall into the 'special person' category in my eyes and that is quite a compliment coming from such a miserable old git like me :P

 

Seems to me that your weight isn't the real issue here, but merely an excuse for you to beat up on yourself for other, hidden reasons. I hope you take onboard some of the great advice given by some of the wonderful, warm and considerate people here at the Pit and talk to someone. You have already demonstrated immense courage in expressing your innermost feelings in this open forum, that approaching someone 'one to one' should be a cakewalk in comparison.

 

WHatever you decide is best for you, I only hope that things work out for the better (as I'm sure they will) and would like to add my name to the already long list of would be friends willing to share some email or pm (telephone if you want) time if needed.

 

Chin up.

 

Andy

You aren't confusing me with someone else, are you?

 

:P

 

Gee, I feel special. I always thought you disliked me. It's nice to hear those words coming from you. I've always wanted to be in your good shoes. :blushing:

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Hey Torrey :)

 

Be strong, be brave and be willing to fight the good fight.

 

I wrote this coming out of the dark a few years ago... there's always doors that will open, you never know what is around the corner and theres always always hope. In my 33 years of being on this earth I can honestly promise you that good things come to good people, although it may not be when and where and how you want it, it will come.

 

Before the time of now

I had a dream to win my soul

I lost it one day when I was left alone

In the dark… Dark in my soul… Dark in my heart

Don't let the dark times touch me

Keep them far away from my door

For the time of dark cannot return

Or I will surely be left among the dust

To be swept away with the shadows

I discovered

I had some time to spare in this life

Thought I might spend it with you

This exquisite time of magic

Deeper than any ocean

Stronger than a crashing wave

Greater than all the seas

Infinite in all measures

And with the passing of each day

I grow stronger within my heart

Has my soul returned to me once more?

Did you show it to me?

Held out on the hand of Love

 

As with the others, I am here

Kylie x

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oh i see how it is.....

 

when Torrey is sad he gets a poem.......

 

when i was sad i got middle fingers :mrsgreen:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

:lol:

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Guest Donna

Hey Invision.................. crap, I can't post that smiley here! :P

 

 

Torrey,

 

Fight it and don't let it get the best of you. It seems a few of us have been in that dark place, and by everyone here sharing you can see that the dark place goes away and life gets better.

Keep yourself a list of everyone who has posted in this thread that has given you support. Whenever your feeling bad, come here and start PMing whoever is on your list for some support.

 

Print this thread and keep it close by so you can read it and know there are people who understand and know your never alone with the thoughts you have.

 

 

Donna

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Hey Invision.................. crap, I can't post that smiley here!  :P

 

 

 

:o

 

if this wasnt Torreys thread i would have a few choice words for you young lady :mrsgreen:

 

:)

Edited by invision

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oh i see how it is.....

 

when Torrey is sad he gets a poem.......

 

when i was sad i got middle fingers :mrsgreen:

 

:lol:

No fingers from here inv. :(

 

To some people you can relate and to some you cannot I suppose :huh:

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It must have taken a lot of courage for Torrey to talk about this and I hope that all the love and support you've shown him helps him to know that he isn't alone.

 

Just want to say how proud I am to be a member of such a caring group of people, this really is the Pit at its best.

 

You take good care Torrey and remember I'm just a PM away. :)

 

:grouphug:

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Those pictures are great! Just remember to hang in there and keep moving forward. Medication always helps, so take your medication! If it's not for us, hang in there for the people who admire your photography! :)

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show some class for :filtered: sake  :mrsgreen:

lets make the "pm" public CPU

 

Did I pis Sk8 off s00000 bad :unsure:

 

 

 

 

PM stands for private message.

 

 

 

Life goes on!!!!!!!!!!!

 

:banana2:

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Guest Donna

Torrey,

 

Get posting and let someone help ya through the rough spots. :)

 

 

 

Onecool, dont be such a dumass.

 

You have no clue if life goes on.

We never ever know if someone is telling the truth on here, but someones life or death is not something to joke about. If we get had, we get had, ohwell, but if this boy is reaching out for help then he should get support.

 

I for one would rather look a fool, then feel the shame of knowing I had no class when a child reached out.

If you feel the need to be ignorant, go do it somewhere else.

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Torrey, a couple months back I felt the effects of somebody's suicide from a personal standpoint.

 

http://pcpitstop.ibforums.com/index.php?sh...2140&hl=suicide

 

I was going to bring this up when I first posted this, but I was getting so worked up I couldn't bring myself to. I thought I was over the death of my friend, as much as one could be, but I was very wrong. You never know how much something like that is going to affect the others around you, and I say if you are even thinking about it, think about the many you will hurt before you look for what it's gonna do for you.

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Life is a journey, not a destination. Too many look at life and say why am I here opposed to what can I do while I'm here. Enjoy it, it really is too short to squander, make every day a day where you do or learn something new and have fun. Sometimes you have to climb moutains on this journey other times you head into valleys, either way as long as you keep on truckin you will make it out.

 

No matter how hard the day is just remember just like everyday before the last, the sun will set and a new day will begin. It is a simple concept, but far too many people take it all as a chunk; opposed to a day to day basis, no wonder why people get overwhelmed. You can't fix all your problems overnight, but progressively you can work on them until they are dealt with.

 

Peace everyone, have a good night.

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Reopening after cleaning out some posts ...

 

Cpuguru and onecool ... don't want to see either of you posting in this thread again.

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oh. I'm 5'8

 

I'm going on a diet. I want to be like 105, or something like that. Actually, I've been on a diet. I lost 12lbs in the past 2 weeks.

 

sounds like anorexia waiting to happen, see a doctor, ya weight is fine, i had a cousin die from anorexia, was a sad slow death :mrsgreen: not saying u have that,but please, see a doctor

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