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Y kawika

Sunday funnies........

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Here is one for you other nerds out there:

 

Heisenberg and Schrodinger were traveling together in a car and get pulled over for speeding.

The cop asks Heisenberg “Do you know how fast you were going?”

Heisenberg replies, “No, but we know exactly where we are!”

The officer looks at him confused and says “you were going 108 miles per hour!”

Heisenberg throws his arms up and cries, “Great! Now we’re lost!”

The officer looks over the car and asks Schrodinger if the two men have anything in the trunk.

“A cat,” Schrodinger replies.

The cop opens the trunk and yells “Hey! This cat is dead.”

Schrodinger angrily replies, “Well he is now.”

 

Well.. I think it's funny.

 

 

Or do I?

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I keep seeing shows on TV about people who have overcome problems and turned their life around.

 

Invariably, they say something like "and that's why I turned my life around a complete 360."  or 'after that I made a complete 360 with my life."

 

The interviewers/hosts never question this.  I don't think people even pay attention to what they are saying anymore.

 

This is why we need to pay more attention to math in school!!!!

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A man was driving down the road when the light turned yellow just in front of him. He did the right thing and stopped at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.

The tailgating woman behind him was furious and honked her horn, screaming curses in frustration, as she missed her chance to get through the intersection.

As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up. He took her to the police station where she was searched, fingerprinted, photographed and placed in a holding cell.

After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.

He said, “I’m very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, giving the guy in front of you the finger and cursing at him. I noticed the “What Would Jesus Do” bumper sticker, the “Choose Life” license plate holder, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk, so naturally I assumed you had stolen the car.”

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It's been one of those weeks again:

image.png.544264f6fa19b3137b29930cbc46faa1.png

 

It's probably unwise to tick off both the school district and the architect, specially on a project with not enough days available to complete... but...

image.png.bb06ab834e7d4a0f002b9cc33f7e693b.png

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On 6/24/2018 at 1:55 PM, Tomk_ said:

It's been one of those weeks again:

image.png.544264f6fa19b3137b29930cbc46faa1.png

 

It's probably unwise to tick off both the school district and the architect, specially on a project with not enough days available to complete... but...

image.png.bb06ab834e7d4a0f002b9cc33f7e693b.png

I enjoy listening to Ron White

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  Our beloved caintry_boy has been having a tough week.  Yesterday he called 911 on his cell phone to report that his car has been broken into.

Nearly hysterical  he explains his situation to the dispatcher "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" he cried.

The dispatcher said, "Stay calm... An officer is on the way."

A few minutes later, the officer radios in "We are 10-22 on that last call.  Possible 10-98." he says

"He got in the back-seat by mistake."

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4 hours ago, Tomk_ said:

  Our beloved caintry_boy has been having a tough week.  Yesterday he called 911 on his cell phone to report that his car has been broken into.

Nearly hysterical  he explains his situation to the dispatcher "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" he cried.

The dispatcher said, "Stay calm... An officer is on the way."

A few minutes later, the officer radios in "We are 10-22 on that last call.  Possible 10-98." he says

"He got in the back-seat by mistake."

 

:laughing::rofl3::laughing:

 

 

 

 

:geezer:

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The Wisdom of Children

 

1. Stay away from prunes. – Randy, 9

2. When your mom is mad at your dad, don’t let her brush your hair. – Talia, 11

3. Never trust a dog to watch your food. – Patrick, 10

4. Don’t pull dad’s finger when he tells you to. – Emily, 10

5. Never tell your mom her diet’s not working. – Michael, 14

6. Felt markers are not good to use as lipstick. – Lauren, 9

7. Never pee on an electric fence. – Robert, 13

8. Don’t pick on your sister when she’s holding a baseball bat. – Joel, 10

9. When you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse. – Naomi, 15

10. When your dad is mad and asks you, “Do I look stupid?’, don’t answer him. – Michael, 14

11. When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when she’s on the phone. – Alyesha, 13

12. Never try to baptize a cat. – Eileen, 8

13. Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a Tic-Tac. – Andrew, 9

14. You can’t hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk. – Amir, 9

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A woman goes to the doctor, worried about her husbands temper.

 

The doctor asks, "What's the problem?"

 

The woman says, "Doctor.  I don't know what to do.  Every day my husband seems to lose his temper for no reason.  It scares me."

 

The doctor says, "I have a cure for that.  When it seems that your husband is getting angry, just take a glass of water, take a mouthful, and start swishing it around in your mouth.  Don't swallow.  Just keep swishing it around your mouth until he either leaves the room or calms down."

 

Two weeks later, the woman returns to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.

 

The woman says; "Doctor.  That was a brilliant idea!  Every time my husband starts to lose it... I just start swishing.  I swish and swish and he calms right down.  It's amazing.  What does the trick?  Is it the water or the swishing?"

 

"Neither," says the doctor.  "It's keeping your mouth shut that does the trick."

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An English teacher wrote these words on the whiteboard:

 

"Woman without her man is nothing."

 

The teacher then asked the students to punctuate the words correctly.

 

The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is nothing."

 

The women wrote: "Woman! Without her, man is nothing."

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