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OSalcido

Girlfriend of 4 Years Left me

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had this happen to me right after highschool, well, the very end of it.

 

what made it worse was i was pretty much incredile at track, pole vualting in particular, and i threw it away my senior year to be with her.

 

HOW STUPID.

 

anyways, it went on and she dumped me for whatever reason it was back then, and i felt the same as you. i was upset and didn't know what I had done. turns out not much really, things SIMPLY END like this.

 

what i did though was seek revenge, or to get her back. not sure which, but it was like a 6-8 month long WAR between us. incredibly embaressing what "love" will make you do.

 

yes i went through all the 'i'm with you forever' stuff and it's really a bunch of crap at that age.

 

dude, my advise man to man, or boy to boy for you older gents here (LOL), would be to just chill out on it. if i had it to do over again, i'd just nod and take my leave knowing that even a year later i'll be with another woman whose far better. the most important thing with dating is to learn from your mate and when it ends, to take with you what you've learned and been taught about treating and handling (not physically) women.

 

it's not a simple thing to master and there's no set rules.

 

but like me and this ex i'm talking about, we've since talked a few times and became friends once more. we talk now about once every two weeks online, which is plenty close enough.

 

but getting the rebound girl will just make you think of your ex more, getting drunk will make you think of your ex more and either depress you into hurting yourself or someone/thing else, and throwing bachlor parties will just entice you to do stupid :filtered: that you WILL regret later and you'll try to rationalize it by saying it was her that cuased it.

 

pretty much, give it some time, take counsel in your true friends, and keep your heart open to the future.

 

 

and the notes, i still have all mine, lol. just put them away somewhere, you might burn down your house, lol

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Thank you guys the last two pages are filled with very very helpful advice... I'm 21 today and boy I feel like an empty headed fool for ever trusting that two faced :filtered:.. but nonetheless I still feel like everything I had planned in my life has disintegrated , my plans for marriage, kids , etc... it's gone straight to hell.

 

At work today I was so convinced I was going to do something incredibly stupid (like suicide)... but now I see that I'm not the only one that has gone thru this :filtered: before.. and I need to be strong and I need to survive.

 

I had to just break down and cry this morning after work... but boy did that release about 30% of the weight on my shoulders... not the entire thing but enough to actually be able to breathe again.

 

and god help me, If i ever see that girl again, I will break her face

 

Thank you all for being so helpful... I don't really have anyone in my life close enough to share this type of stuff with (stings that the only person who would come close is her, lol)... and well just thank you guys

 

P.S. 1,000th post, how depressing

Edited by OSalcido

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Welp...life happens...my favorite saying is "life sucks then you die" :rolleyes: Believe you me...things can always be a whole lot worse than what happened to you! You could have wasted 12 years with someone only to have them tell you you're just really a friend(roommate) and they want to start dating others but still live with you :boxing: and to find out they were unfaithful for that whole 12 years...that kinda sucks too :thud:

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holy :filtered: thats pretty bad..... makes me feel pretty damn good that it didnt happen to me though if that's any help?

 

to be fair though...... this type of behavior is more expected from males than from females (i believe)... but yeah 12 years still sucks :filtered:

Edited by OSalcido

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why do you keep saying youre 13 years old?? it's pretty obvious

 

but thanks for your support (if thats support??)

Edited by OSalcido

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I think first loves are always the hardest to lose, not only because of loving that person and losing that person but the memories and experiences stay with you forever. I still remember my first love...but that is a different story..hehe..anyways, I wanted to say that I think the only thing that helped me when I went through this same situation is seeing other people and hung out with my friends more. You cannot sit and dwell on what happened and what was going to happen. I agree with andromeda; You could have wasted 12 years with someone only to have them tell you you're just really a friend(roommate) and they want to start dating others but still live with you and to find out they were unfaithful for that whole 12 years. If it is meant to be between the two of you, she will be back. Maybe she just needs room to breathe and experience other men and figure out what she does want. I don't know if she is wrong for wanting to do that. Life is challenging dude and your getting your first dose of heartache. Sorry to say, it probably will not be your last.

 

Keep your chin up, go find another lady friend and DO NOT let her know how desperate you feel. Oh and another thing make sure you take down any pictures of her and put away other stuff that might remind you of her. You don't need to listen to sad song and stare at her picture half of the night, that will do no good.

 

Good Luck to you. :)

 

~ Min

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Really I know that you are hurting but what happened to you with your very young GF is very common since y'all started dating at a young age...they wake up and think..."I'm missing out on something" and then they realize that they "had it all" but sometimes it's too late. I really think it's today's society...back in the old days people didn't think about dating all around and thinking they'd missed out on something...they found the one and they got married at about 17 years old and spent 70 years with that one person because it was "what you did" back then. Now society tells you that you're missing out on something and you have to live life to it's fullest and there's always something better out there. :huh:

 

BTW...the story didn't happen to me...it did happen to a man I know!

Edited by andromeda

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I think first loves are always the hardest to lose, not only because of loving that person and losing that person but the memories and experiences stay with you forever. I still remember my first love...but that is a different story..hehe..anyways, I wanted to say that I think the only thing that helped me when I went through this same situation is seeing other people and hung out with my friends more. You cannot sit and dwell on what happened and what was going to happen. I agree with andromeda; You could have wasted 12 years with someone only to have them tell you you're just really a friend(roommate) and they want to start dating others but still live with you and to find out they were unfaithful for that whole 12 years. If it is meant to be between the two of you, she will be back. Maybe she just needs room to breathe and experience other men and figure out what she does want. I don't know if she is wrong for wanting to do that. Life is challenging dude and your getting your first dose of heartache. Sorry to say, it probably will not be your last.

 

Keep your chin up, go find another lady friend and DO NOT let her know how desperate you feel. Oh and another thing make sure you take down any pictures of her and put away other stuff that might remind you of her. You don't need to listen to sad song and stare at her picture half of the night, that will do no good.

 

Good Luck to you. :)

 

~ Min

 

Thank you Thank You Thank You for your post.... anyways about getting her back in the future I kinda messed that up by my blogspot post (And I'm sure she'll read it :mrgreen: )

 

Damn I feel good after writing that , LOL

 

Thank you for your insight

Edited by OSalcido

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Your Welcome!! :)

 

Oh I just thought of one more thing.

 

If your being an absalute :filtered: to her, stop it. Be the person who you really are and always have been around her. I hate it when you break up with a dude, he is pathetic, an :filtered: and acts like someone I really don't know. It confirms in my head that when I broke up with him, I did the right thing.

 

Sometimes we get lost and start doing things that are regretful and wish we had not have done those things or acted in that certain way because of feeling so desperate. So keep your fits and name calling about her at home or at the Pit. Not where she can see you being a jerk. Let her see what she lost not what she should have dumped maybe 3 years ago.

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Well I respectfully disagree... If she can do this crap to me then I have lost all respect for her and she is fair game to attack. Let her see what she lost?? She had me for 5 years... the real me... and she apparently didn't like it

 

The gloves are off

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Really I know that you are hurting but what happened to you with your very young GF is very common since y'all started dating at a young age...they wake up and think..."I'm missing out on something" and then they realize that they "had it all" but sometimes it's too late. I really think it's today's society...back in the old days people didn't think about dating all around and thinking they'd missed out on something...they found the one and they got married at about 17 years old and spent 70 years with that one person because it was "what you did" back then. Now society tells you that your missing out on something and you have to live life to it's fullest and there's always something better out there. :huh:

 

BTW...the story didn't happen to me...it did happen to a man I know!

 

you know I would really prefer that she actually loved the new guy rather than thinking she's just trying to sew her wild oats... if she fell in love on accident then that hurts but at least she didnt willfully do it... if shes just trying to screw every guy out there though... than wow I really did waste an entire 5 years

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hey dude, i have other solutions :snooze:

1) Don’t see him

If he has to come to the flat, arrange for someone else to be there. Ban him from dropping in casually and ask him to remove the rest of his stuff as soon as possible.

 

2) Don’t contact him

No more ‘how are you getting on’ emails or ‘I’ve just found that shirt of yours’ phone calls. Forget about excuses to get in touch. It just keeps you hanging in there and hoping. If he’s contacting you, ask him not to.

 

3) Don’t go to the empty cupboard

Trying to find ways to fix or get back a relationship you know in your heart is over is like going to an empty cupboard hoping that instead of a few crumbs you’ll find a big fat loaf there. You won’t, and as long as you’re going back to that cupboard you won’t see the deliciously full one just around the corner. Close the door on it and walk away.

 

4) Talk about him less

Going over every detail of what happened with friends may feel comforting initially, but after a few weeks it’s time to stop. Friends get bored and you get stuck. So be very selective about what you say and the people you say it to and start talking about other things.

 

5) Stop giving yourself a hard time

So you weren’t perfect. Well neither was he. You both did your best to make it work and it didn’t. Put it down to experience and forget about blaming him or yourself. Blaming anyone hurts only you and holds you back from recovery.

 

6) Think of yourself as over it

Imagine a date a few weeks away when instead of feeling awful you’ll wake up and know you’re over it. The sun will come out, gorgeous men will appear from nowhere and you’ll feel like going out and living life again. Why wait? Draw that day towards you, so that it becomes tomorrow. Feel the excitement of knowing you did it, you survived and life is good again. Now hang onto that feeling.

 

7) Feel GorgeousSelf-esteem takes a tumble after a break-up and you have to rebuild it step by step. Feeling Gorgeous is vital, and anyone can do it. Tell yourself you’re sexy, charismatic, bright and desirable – and listen to friends who think you are too. Act Gorgeous by pampering yourself, even if you don’t feel like it and don’t think it will make a difference. Believe me, it will!

 

8) Start Flirting

What’s important now is to meet lots of people, men and women, and talk, smile, flirt, take an interest and laugh with them. Life as part of a couple often limits contact with other people. Now it’s time to get really sociable.

Don’t know how to meet people? This is an excuse to hide behind. If you want to meet people, you will. Make a list, right now, of all the ways you could do this. Join an evening class you’ve always wanted to take such as Italian. Try something physically demanding such as rock climbing or arrange a get-together with old friends.

 

9) Take your time

Don’t jump hastily into any romantic relationships. The rule tends to be that if you rush in fast it will end fast too. So go slowly. If you fancy someone, great, but hold back for a while and remember that this new you is in charge and needn’t hurry.

 

Sticking to this plan takes discipline and courage. Susie got a girlfriend to remind her of it when she was in danger of slipping. But remember that no-one else can do it for you, it’s up to you

 

Try just forget about her and all the bad memories..

 

I know you can move on dude :):hug::grouphug:

 

Thank you for your insight

Every one here helps one another, not just about pc, but also in our personal lives..

 

:snooze: it is already 10pm :snooze:

Edited by ineedhelpregularly21

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and men try to say its the women who are drama queens. :blink:

 

Man up... move on. At 21 you should be having the time of your life and not worried about serious relationships and marriage. You have plenty of time later in life to be miserable. :rofl2:

 

Its apparent unless somebody is bashing your girl you really don't want to hear any advice anyway.

 

:pullhair:

 

Edit: typo

Edited by TracyLynn

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MAN TRACY WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM??

 

First, not all 21 year olds are alike and I am not the type of guy to switch from girl to girl like soda brands or something.... this is the only relationship i've ever had and in all likely hood it will be months to years before I get the courage to ask another girl out... just lay off me please

 

i'm doing a lot better than I was last night... I think I may actually sleep some today (The first time in many weeks)... feels kinda weird to be alone now but the pain is fading for the first time since we stopped talking.. i guess its just relief that it's actually over instead of having hope and waiting and praying for that call..

 

I'm close to my old self again

Edited by OSalcido

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hey bud, sorry to hear about the break up. It's rough and you do hate the person uncontrollably (sp?) for a while, but seriously avoid seeing her and really avoid the bloke for a bit, it will dredge up way too much malice at once and will make you feel really crappy. also getting back in the game straight away can hurt too if there is a break up - you're still in the love mode when the new girl won't be.. give yourself some you time. hang out with mates etc.. but not mutual mates she could have spread some lies to make them join 'her side' plus it will keep her in your life when you really don't want her there (you are trying to get over her)

 

Jump back into the game when you feel ready, not when others tell you too.

 

it is a real kick in the jewels i know but you have so much more to look forward to. caintry said it - plenty more fish in the sea. you just turned 21 - happy birthday by the way - the best of life is still yet to come. hang in there. ;)

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... this is the only relationship i've ever had and in all likely hood it will be months to years before I get the courage to ask another girl out... just lay off me please

 

I think you should reconsider. Its not fair to deprive all those sheilas, some of them may even offer favours when they hear you're available.

Besides you need to remember the first law. Use it or lose it.

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I myself haven't had the displeasure of falling in love yet, but I can kinda relate. I really liked my ex, but as you can tell by the -ex moniker, we broke up.

 

Every single day I tried to plan something that involved her, and everytime I tried, it was another excuse. I took it lightly, and I also took it lightly when my friend said she was talking to another guy. But, after over 6 months of dealing with the same BS, I just cut myself off from her, and broke up with her. Ironically, it was a Monday when this happened, which normally I hate, but this was the best Monday I ever had. Nice guys really do finish last, especially with young girls, since they don't have enough sense to know when they have something good on their hands.

 

The only people I "love" are my family members. I don't waste my time falling in love with girls, because I'm more important than some random girl off the streets. My life comes before anyone else's because I have to take care of myself to survive, and being in "love" would just be extra baggage stopping me from my ultimate goal.

 

I'm not saying become bitter & cold, I'm just saying you should think about things before you go head over heels for someone.

 

O, you'll feel better eventually. Drinking won't mitigate the problem, but when you do it with friends, it sure does help.

 

BTW, I know I'm young, and you can pull out all that "you haven't met the right one" stuff, and you'll be right. If I meet the right one, then all that may change, but I have pretty strict requirements if I'm gonna fall into a trap for someone.

Edited by brandon

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My advice would be to let it or her go. Yes you will think of her, yes you will be sad, it will probably turn to anger and thats ok cause it is all part of greiving your loss. Evenutally you will pull out of it and feel better about yourself and stiop caring and or thinking about her. You didn't do anything wrong so don't get down on yourself. Try to do things and keep yourself occupied and the time will pass faster.

 

As for why she never explained anything to you, well some people are just like that or maybe she didn't have the courage to face up to you as it is not an easy thing to do. I would just let it go, remember it as a learning experience and go forward from here. Soon enough you will stop feeling sorry for yourself and pick up the pieces. You will realize that you have a lot to offer a gal. And yes someday you will meet a new gal and be excited about her. Hopefully through all of this you will gain a better understanding of what you want and expect from a relationship and you will be that much better for the knowledge you have gained.

 

The important thing right now is to re-main true to yourself and do do anything rash without thinking about it for some time. In time your wounds will heal and you will feel good about yourself and the world and yes eventually you will take a chance again with a gal. just about every gal you meet will be different so don't judge the others by this one experience.

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MAN TRACY WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM??

 

 

I'm not the one with the problem, however it looks like she made the right decision after reading all your posts.

 

There are MANY MANY worse things in this life than being alone. I can assure you that. Nobody is suggesting you jump from person to person. Learn to be on your own awhile and not be codependant on others for your happiness.

 

You are sitting here guarding this thread to jump and reply it in every few minutes instead of enjoying your birthday and everything that life has to offer. Its a shame to waste your special day on a pity party for one.

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tracy is right just realize its part of the pleasure in growing up and as for your replies of wanting to hurt her then you have totally lost my support.life goes on and my guess it will not be your one and only time

you have reached adult age try acting it

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